Writer's block

Somehow, I don't have that need to write anymore. I mean, why?
I used to wonder whether it is because I was lonely that I wrote a lot, blogged a lot. Maybe I'm not so lonely now.

Jeez, I've become lazy.

And what's worse is that, in those rare moments that I actually wanted to write anything, it was almost always something that I'm not so comfortable to share to public. Thoughts about you.

Bleh.
(my new random sound)

Another day =)

1. Nothing can be worse than waking up in the morning and seeing the heavy rain when you are supposed to go to work.

But the feeling when an SMS suddenly appears while you are clearing your inbox simply beats them all.

(the message didn't get through coz of my full inbox... =,=)

It brings back my best smile. My "bestest" smile :P. Doesn't matter that my current phone sucks. I'm fully recharged.

2. Having less time talking to Linh D: Linh ơi đừng bỏ tao mà đi theo Lud Thẹo =( Tao mún ở trong list One and Only, mày đừng có cho bả dzô đó nha :(( ai kiu mày đi làm hong chat đc, tao thì buổi tối hong có ở nhà mấy khi :">

3. While watching a video clip of a guy, I can imagine how Lud was watching him.
Lud ơi, you are happy =D


All of us, we are. I hope so, I sincerely hope so.

Oh my June

Singapore has four seasons: Summer. Summer. Summer. And summer.

Well, Singapore doesn't have that much variety when it comes to seasons. The sun shines all year round, and the temperature stays as hot as ever. And whenever I don't feel the heat, it's because I was freezing in the office with the aircon and no window and working.

Yet thinking about June still makes me smile. Maybe because of some blurry memories from the faraway past.

The past when we were still young and we got to play in the summer, and then we got to go to the beach ...

Oh. Wait.
Yes. I can still go to the beach this summer.

And I'm still young.

Life's still good. Nice. Some bumps along the way doesn't change that fact.

(I'm still frustrated. But oh well, the reason why you didn't return my phone might be because your life is much more miserable than mine and you were jealous with me. I pity you. Enjoy my phone while you can, &^%@^&%!^& - insert some ugly inappropriate language here for me please.)

Haiz

Before it's too late.

Sometimes I push people away from me, when all I want to do is to run over and grab their hands and hold them back.


Before it's too late.

*self-consoling mode*

I know I'm forgetful, but this is not too bad right?

Look, even Apple's top secret, the iPhone4 prototype, could be forgotten :| See what did people do to the phone? Did they nicely returned it? Obviously not. See what happened to the dude? Well, he was badly screwed, but he's not dead (yet) right?

*er, sorry dude, for using you to cheer myself up. I hope you won't mind. Your case was classic*

And Xuki is laughing at me like mad :| =,= Meannnnnn :|

Maybe my name is Sumire

1. Nam's birthday. Since the guy has shamelessly asked me for a gift, which "can be anything, just anything" (his words!), I bought him a wooden pen, the only suitable (and cheap) gift I can find from NUS Coop :|

Well, maybe a little bit too cheap.

I realized (a little bit too late) that it was broken or sth, I cannot use it to write.

I sighed, bought a greeting card, and used my fountain pen to write some words for him.

"Happy birthday to you. All the best.
PS: Sorry. Some pens are not to write"

2. I don't really believe in fate and the like. I don't believe in those sayings "Things happen for a reason". I think it's just a form of consolation for people when sth unwanted happen to them.

But I do think that we can try to make use of not-so-good situations and events. By learning from them, by looking at the positive side. And maybe, that's how we can "connect the dots", looking backward.

For instance, some certain things happening in the past has taught me this: Love, of all things, is never to be taken for granted. I'm grateful for that lesson.

3. Talking about things that I don't believe in, I don't believe in the notion of "The One". I don't think there's only one perfectly right person in this world for each of us. Rather, there are quite a few of people out there who may be just as compatible, or even more compatible with you than me.

I just happen to be the person who turns up at the right place and the right time. And that makes a whole lot of difference.

4. This reminds me of Sumire in Sputnik Sweetheart. After meeting Miu, Sumire was no longer able to write anything.

Somehow sometimes I feel like thoughts escaped me.

yes, THIS reminds me of Sumire.

Excuse my writing please. I'm losing the interest.

Haiz

We

We will be okay. Totally okay.
Or even a little more than that.
We will be great.

nonsense stuffs.

1. Recently sometimes I feel like my head is made up of a balloon, or a bubble. Light and empty.

I don't think I like the feeling.

2. I watched Toy Story 3 and suddenly wondered where all my toys are. I try to remember how I spent my childhood, and realized that I was not a kid with toys. I did play with toys when my parents bought for me (well, that's what parents are supposed to do right?), but I cannot recall any particular fascinating memory with any specific toy.

Guess since very young I've been a weird kid.

"woa, you've been a skeptic since you are a kid"

well, I'm not sure about that, but I did protest Toy Story 1 because I didn't believe in the technology. I adored 2D animation and I didn't want to think that a computer-generated cartoon could be better than traditional drawn ones.

3. Suddenly I realized that there are still quite a few things I'm worried about. There are just too many constrains. And insecurity. As usual, I'm scared.

We just don't want things that are too easy, do we? We just can't help asking that question "What if I could try a little bit more?". The thing is, not many of us have a chance to give it a try. It's either because people don't allow us to, or something else hold us back, or we are just insecure and the current situation is too safe and comfortable.

Well, I guess I just need to keep going, and things will somehow sort it out. And I know I've got someone who will always be there behind me.

I might be a bit slow, but it doesn't mean that I can't do it. Just watch me.

4. Crazy nonsense stuffs (all happened in the office)

Meryl: I'm hungry.

Me: Me too.

Me: Hungry hungry hungry

Me: I'm going to eat the screen now.

Meryl: o.O

Meryl: She's got a new project for us

Me: what is it about?

Meryl: *straight face* Aliens.

Me: *straight face* Ok. I like aliens. Much more interesting. Maybe their blood is blue or purple or sth. And their cells are heart shaped.

Meryl: =))

Meryl is like one of the best things about my work.

quick doodle again =S

Meryl was asking me sth about Illustrator, then...

Meryl: eh what's that? Artistic watercolor? sounds cool
Rim: haha, only a kind of brush. You also have that. Let me show you. *choose the brush and make some strokes on the screen*
Meryl: looks cool..
Rim: *make some more strokes* yah, nice right? I like it best with light blue color... *keep making strokes...*

5 minutes later, I've got this :|

Shining eyes

In my Google Reader, there's this folder that I named "Shining eyes". Under this folder are all my friends' blogs.

It's about how many shining eyes I have around me.

~Benjamin Zander

I'm glad that I've got so many shining eyes around me.

So, if you happen to notice that I've looked into your eyes a second too long, maybe it's because your eyes were too beautiful I couldn't resist it.

Or if I turned away and didn't look into your eyes, maybe because they were shining too brightly, I didn't dare to look straight into them.

This morning, I woke up and looked into the mirror. My hair was messy, and I had this just-got-out-of-bed look.
But, sure enough, my eyes were shining.

The pain of breaks.

Some of you might already know that I'm a pain freak. I have pain phobia. Not only I'm afraid of myself being in pain, but witnessing the pain of others can also affect me greatly.

That's why Handle with Care is really disturbing to me.

There are pains almost every where, throughout the book. It is full of pain. I can feel my own imaginary pain merely from reading it. And it's not only physical, but also emotional. There were breaks every where.

I kept praying that the little girl won't break, but that's obviously impossible. Willow, the 5 year old girl, has osteogenesis imperfecta, which means her bones can break very easily, sometimes even when she sneezes. Every time she fell and had a break, I had to skip the paragraph, which makes me skim through like, almost 20% of the book (I tried my best!). What kind of reading is this? T___T I feel like cheating, or being cheated T_T

And is it the reason why I found the characters' reactions all too extreme and irrational? I kept asking "can't you see what you are doing? wake up will ya?" I cannot feel the sympathy I had with My sister keeper anymore. People are stubborn and weird and determined to break their lives in pieces. Family, friendship, parenthood, love... everything was out of control.

Well, at least it's got a coherent and concise writing style. The prose in some parts is quite powerful, I'd say. I like the way she describe parent's love.

And here comes my favourite quote in this book:

"You know how sometimes, your life is so perfect you’re afraid for the next moment, because it couldn’t possibly be quite as good? That’s what it felt like."
— Jodi Picoult (Handle with Care)

Well, at least the book is not boring :P

Life

*just to share*

There are days when I look around and wonder why there are so many people hating this life and humanity, thinking that the world is all corrupted and everyone is bad and ugly. Maybe I haven't seen enough, maybe I'm too naive, but my 24 years through life still tell me this: it's not that bad, not at all. Is it that hard to find good people? Everyday I see nice and honest people around me, those strangers who smile at me, those friends who truly care about me, those I respect and admire, those who inspire me a lot...

And then, there is You.

I still believe in this world. Very much.

Until you break me. So don't.

Simple and happy.

1. Last weekend somehow I ended up shopping alone. Been quite some time since the last time I truly did sth like this. Unlike some girls, I prefer to go shopping alone. No waiting, no being waited, no time pressure, no "are-you-really-going-to-buy-that" looks.

2. One thing that surprised me was how most greeting cards have readily printed messages inside (I said "most" just because I gave up half way and didn't bother to open each and every card to check)

So convenient huh? Where are the days when we still actually spend time to think of meaningful and personal wishes? Some of the messages are not even that original. I mean, what? "Wish you a very happy birthday"?! Come on, you can do way better than that. Or, at least, just as good.

Unless the card is just sth out of formal courtesy. Like when you don't even care that much, but you feel obliged to send sth.

Then you won't even bother to write anything. Just buy the card, fill in the name, the address maybe, and send it out.

That sounds kinda disturbing, isn't it?

3. Anw, am satisfied with my new shorts and hoodie =D just amazingly comfortable, totally (and with beautiful price also, thanks to GSS hahah)

4. My FB wall is such a mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that there are people who care. I'm just surprised. Are there really THAT many people who TRULY care?
Maybe I'm just freaked out. Maybe it's just the matter of how easy it is to click the "Like" button.
Still, I'd much prefer sth really really simple like this:

It doesn't matter how many people know, or 'like'

Still, thanks for the supports :D

5. For this reason, somehow now Tumblr is the only place I can find my own peace. With me, and my thoughts, and quiet strangers who just silently follow my posts.

Feel like it's a sacred place of my own. I hid there.

so...

We all make choices and live with their consequences.

I made mine.
It's not that hard to click "Confirm" for a request on FB. Now the difficult part is to live with it, and keep it everyday.

So long as you are confident, I am.

God bless our broken roads :)

1. To you:

I felt kinda light when I came clean with you.

Although this comes a bit late :P, but well, thanks for the [very] short "adventure". You didn't really accompany me, so to say. But you made it happen. And the experience was nice.

Now i'm going to have one of my own.

2. To you:

I promise you, I'll try my best. I might not be perfect. But for you, I'll try. And it's kinda good to know I won't have to try alone.

Thanks for being my Sputnik, for the journey ahead.

- Are you really Thao?

- No, I'm not.

=)) sorry, I just couldn't help it, but I felt like your question is too "cold" already =))

3. All the best to all of us :)

All of us.

Color of the sun

1.Yes, I know I've been telling myself to be back to the more 'rational' self, but I've realized that I couldn't really do it properly. Especially when it kinda feel good to be on the clouds.

I found myself on the emotional side more than the rational side, and more of feelings than thoughts. This kinda scares me, given that I've always thought feelings are some billions times less stable than thoughts.

Once things start to change, it's hard to revert back, it's hard to be in control.

2. I kinda hate the way I'm doing things right now. Really not here nor there, and everything is halfway done.

And I hate the way I'm reading. Really. I'm reading more than 1 book at a time, and what's worse is the way I squeezed time to read them when I'm on bus or having lunch. I miss the days when I could just lazily lie there and enjoy reading and maybe some cold drink without interruption.

I miss my childhood. My beloved summer is not supposed to be like this. It's not supposed to be contained in an office.

3. What I hate about this office is the lack of windows. Gosh... there is only one single window in the whole office. A tiny one, which looks so miserable and so out of place, as if after building the place, someone realized they totally forgot about windows and decided to cut out a small hole so that at least there would be one ...

Suffocating -__-"

5. Ozstudio is up.
It's been a long time since I've ever volunteered to write anything for Oz. But this time, it is summer, and the song is about the sun.

Happy girls are like sunshine.

6. I'm like sunshine. Yah, despite all the rants above, i'm still beaming. Shining.

:|

1. Oh finally I managed to finish "Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall" with sheer persistence.
It was such a pain, please don't waste your money in this book (luckily I didn't, I borrowed it from the library). Although to be fair, the last story is pretty decent with a bittersweet taste of regret and lost dreams, it's not enough to bring up the whole book.

Or maybe I just don't like short stories. I guess I will still give Kazuo Ishiguro's novels a try

(last time's experience with The elephant vanishes did teach me a thing or two: the fact that one can write beautiful novels doesn't make one a master of short stories)

2. Now that Meryl has been back to work with me for almost 2 months, working became so so so fun. Finally someone who could share my pain of having to listen to a toooo sweet voice everyday.

Quote:

Rim: how about this color?
Meryl: gross
Rim: *shrug*

Meryl: where are you going? Isn't it this direction?
Rim: oh yah!
Meryl: you suck
Rim: *shrug*

Meryl: I forgot my mouse again!
Rim: you suck! eh finally I can have a chance to say that to you hahahha
Meryl: =,=

3. Sth went out of the orbit for a moment, and when I couldn't see it, I started to freak out.

I really don't know why I acted that way last night. That was sooooo uncool :| I thought I told myself to come back to be rational? :| how come I could just freak out that easily? :|

4. I was walking alone.
And then... there you came to catch up with me :)

For the changes to come.

1. If you are one of those people who might wonder why these last few days I have kinda disappeared, this is the answer: Wushu training camp. My whole body is aching at every possible place, in every possible way. Laughing is painful, coughing is painful, and standing upright is also a pain.

No pain, no gain. But I'm not so sure about the other way round, thou. Let's just hope that I did improve somehow? :|

2.

Keng Yong: are you coming tmr? Come lah, it's not about what we'll do. It's who we are with.

Yes, indeed.

3. Another convo:

Rim: cute things are supposed to be happy!

Rachel: are you emo sometimes? Coz you are always cute =)

Rim: erm... I guess... sometimes I could be a lil bit less cute lah...

Everyone: =)) =)) =))

4. I love our club.

5. The warmth still stays with me. I am happy. Thank you.

6. My head has been on the clouds for more than 2 weeks now. I guess it's time to get back on the ground, back to the usual me, the more stable, rational and sensible me, starting from today. I'll try my best.

7. And already it is June. Half of a year has flown by like a breeze, with memorable events. Time to start the rest of my life. Show me the changes.