What happened?

So here I am, sitting at a place that I still don't know why I'm here. Everything is fuzzy and confusing.

I wonder if K felt the same way when he was waiting for his flight to find Sumire. I think I could understand the feeling now.

The only thing I can be sure is that nothing serious happened, judging from the way people talk. But then how can I justify this? How can I justify the crazy price I paid to be here? How come everyone refuses to tell me the reason for this?

The weather is crazily hot.

My broken Russian

Some of my friends know that I used to be able to speak a lil bit of Russian.
A few know that I want to pick up Russian again (spoken only, written Russian is too troublesome).

Mom called yesterday. I tried using some Russian words I've just learnt to talk to her. Well, she forgot most of her Russian. I told her "I think my Russian now is even better than yours". Reasonably, it's been more than 10 years since the last time she used the language (and I think my terrible memory is genetic).

Today I opened my mailbox and saw her mail.

Моя дочка. Я очень люблю тебяю.

I thought I forgot everything about written Russian. But when I opened this mail, by the first glance I could understand. Without using Google Translate, of course.

And I also know that she didn't use Google Translate to write this. Mom, you made a mistake. It's "тебя", not "тебяю". Where got "тебяю"? Ay yo.

Mom, you are both unpredictable and predictable, do you know that? I bet you don't. Anw, it doesn't matter, because Я тоже люблю тебя :)

:| maybe I'm weird

"Common sense is supposed to be common"
Yes, that's what I said. But now looking back at myself, I think my own "common sense" is screwed somehow :|

I have been asked "are you crazy?" a lot of time recently, by many people. Some don't ask, but they either use this emoticon ":O", or look at me in horror/shock (which ridiculously resemble the emoticon)

I started to think I have to re-assess what I deem as "normal". Seem like not many people share my definition of "normal" :|

But really, I didn't know it's THAT crazy in people's eyes. Everyone said I'm crazy, but I honestly don't know why (and hence, honestly confused). I couldn't figure out why it was such a big problem. People explained, but I didn't understand :|

Am I weird?

Or too naive?

Or tend to overlook things?

:P

"If you are happy, I'm happy being with you"

The moment I saw this quote, I just couldn't help wondering "then what if I'm not happy? You don't want to be with me?"

I guess I tend to be fault-finding at times :"> but it's really fun!

Or this popular quote:

"Aim for the moon. Even if you miss it, you may hit a star"

Really? Are you sure? I thought the Moon is much easier to hit? Consider the distance between the Earth and the moon, then the distance between the Earth and any other star. Even if by "a star" you mean the Sun (the nearest star, obviously), it's still much much much much much father than the Moon.

How can you hit any star if you cannot hit even the moon?

See how fun it is? To find faults with what people say? :"> But I mean no harm, really. So next time you talk to me and I'm too critical with what you say, please don't be offended :P I was just joking hahah

Prologue.

*This post is to give you an idea what I did yesterday :)) I copied it from my notebook ;)*

It's a bit cold here, so I take out the scarf and wrap around myself. "That should do it", I think, feeling all contented.

Then I open my newly bought notebook. The big glass wall in front of me, sunlight all around me, the hot cup of chamomile tea and the piece of cranberry cake beside me... I start to write.

This is how I start this new diary of mine.

Very possibly, it would be filled with my inexplicable thoughts and feelings, those I cannot pinpoint or express clearly, things that I don't know how to tell others, for I'm afraid that they won't understand and will misunderstand. No, people won't understand. And everyone judges. Including myself.

But, also equally possibly, this diary just might as well be filled with rubbish :| Random thoughts, whatever that comes to my mind. Can be a stupid quote that I saw somewhere, can be my rant about how tasteless is the cake, can be some "personal opinion" about the girl sitting next to me ("I don't like her dress at all")... In one word, rubbish.

Ok. What now?

So, very likely this diary would be sth weekly, sth for me to scribble when I have time to sit here at the 4th level, facing the light, watching the birds, enjoying the sky. Nothing much, really.

Gosh, my diary has just started and it's already filled with rubbish, content-wise and look-wise. I didn't even write my name at the 1st page, which is sth I always do with new notebooks. I also didn't care about writing carefully and beautifully, which is, again, unusual considering that I'm writing in a newly bought notebook...

I'm being random AGAIN (blame "The elephant vanishes" please, it's infected me with its extreme randomness)

But wait, what am I doing? I didn't think of coming here to write actually. I thought of sitting here to enjoy the sun and a cake and a book. Even when I bought this notebook, I didn't think of using it as a diary either (hello, as if I cannot open just another blog and set it private?). I wanted to use it to write down parts that I like in the book.

You see, I didn't have a slightest idea of writing here my own thoughts.

Until I opened the notebook. And faced its smooth creamy white blank pages, as smooth as a piece of cheese cake. With the pen in my hand.

Thoughts just came, uninvitedly, like an obsession that has been hiding for too long, waiting for its first chance to come to light. And I wrote.

"It's a bit cold here"

Obviously, I have totally forgotten about whatever I wanted to do at first. That's how it started.

Ok, my tea is getting cold. Still not a single sight of my "complicated thoughts".

Haiz. Nvm... I won't pretend to be a fool anymore. I know very well that they are still here, they didn't go anywhere. It is me who didn't write them out. It is me who didn't let them have a chance to surface. Maybe I should do it, now. After all, it's supposed to be the ultimate purpose of this diary, isn't it?

And I turn to the next page.

Eat, Pray, Love.

*I finished this book some time ago, but have been delaying writing a reflection :P Not because that I don't like the book, I'm just in my lazy phase :P *

The book is about a journey to find a way back to happiness.
That's a very feminine journey ;). Also bravely, almost shamelessly truthful.

What's special about this book is that it's almost like a happy-ending fairy tale, where our female protagonist emerged from loss, depress and destruction to gradually crawl back to happiness, step by step. As dreamy as it seems, this book is a memoir, hence it's supposed to be a real story told by a real person, not a touchy feely fictional love story. And so, it provides some kind of believable assurance that it's totally possible to find your own happiness, no matter what happened to your life.

I totally enjoyed the 1st part (Eat :">). The 3rd part (Love) is also good.
I won't say that the 2nd part (Pray) is unbearable, but it's a lil bit too... spiritual? And too many details about Indian religion, praying and meditation, Yoga and Guru etc... It's still quite nice, but gets a lil bit dry sometimes.

Truth is, Faith itself is not easy to "teach". Maybe it's not supposed to be "taught" after all, at least not via a book. But Liz did try her best to put her experiences across , and I respect her for that.

*Added: The movie rights for this book have been purchased, and Julie Roberts is gonna play the main character. Wow, I seriously cannot think of a better choice of actress =D Looking forward to it!

Lunch time incidents

1. Went for lunch alone today. At Alumni House.

Was sitting alone, enjoying my not-very-nice spaghetti when I saw my old classmate. I raised my hand to wave him, but he didn't respond.

I can't say that we were best friends, but at least we know each other (we shared the same class, didn't we?)

"Hmm. Maybe he just didn't see me", I thought. And he was sitting with someone else anyway. All other time I saw him, he was almost always alone. "Seems like you are doing well", I smiled to myself, feeling all good and forgiving. It's hard not to be forgiving when Life seems to be pretty good with everyone, no?

After finishing my lunch, I tried waving him again. This time, he looked directly at my direction, seeing me, and... turned away :| Isn't it weird? I decided to come over.

And not until I was merely about 2m away from him did I realize that I ...actually didn't know this guy at all.

T_T

Yes, today I left my specs in the office. T_T How embarrassing T_T

2. Suddenly you called. I didn't want to pick up. But I did, against my better judgment and against my own experience (I saved ur number as "Not to pick up", I should have just listened to myself).
I thought maybe, just maybe, you have sth important to say, this time. Or if not, at least sth that makes sense. Maybe I should be fair to you, this time.

I was so wrong.

Why do you have to bother me and interrupt my Russian lesson with you whining about waking up late for your presentation?

I was so surprised, yet I still even tried to say sth brief to you (sorry, that's my best try of being polite. Guess I failed). But then you kept going on and on about how the presentation went.

Now if you are close to me, or who I do care about, I wouldn't mind. I would set aside everything, and listen to your complaint about anything. But I'm sorry, I cannot do it for just everyone, or else I would go crazy caring about tiny issues of mere acquaintances.

And I cannot help you to change your grades either. So what's the point?

Or did we suddenly become so close overnight without me knowing?! T_T

... Lazy mind

1. Just when I was considering spending my next weekend at home doing nothing, Tinyl-The-Annoying-Guy asked me whether I want to go for coffee this Sat.

Well...
Being Tinyl, he sure knows places with nice ambiance, and I always have a thing for beautiful coffee shops (frankly, who doesn't?). So I told him, even if I join him, I wouldn't want to talk much. If he doesnt mind it, I'd love to go.

Actually, even before saying that, I already knew for sure that Tinyl, of all people, wouldn't mind it at all. As annoying as he is, Tinyl doesn't give much a damn about anything, and that actually turns out to be almost pleasant sometimes.

We would just simply go together, share the same bus and sit at the same table. And then each of us would be free to do whatever we want. I know he would read. He has almost always carried around a book as long as I know him. Well, I know i'm in no position to laugh at that :)) Reading an interesting book while hiding away from the crowded noisy life in a small corner of a cozy coffee shop has always been my fantasy, my dream, my love.

Such a way to enjoy life.

2. I'm not always like this, but these days I've been a lil bit lazier than usual. (haiz, I'm coming to a strange stage when I'm even lazy to blog :)) )

Lazy to think of what to say, that's it.

You can just talk, I won't mind listening to your stories, I may even enjoy them. Or if you want, you can choose to stay silent, I won't push you.
Just don't push me, and that's all, we are good.

Hm. How nice it is, don't you think? As long as people all know what to expect and what's expected of them, things would become crystal clear and pleasant.
The problem is that sometimes people are unsure about what they want. Even if they know, they don't always make it clear to others T___T

I hate having to guess. I'm good at guessing, but I just don't want to.

"The end"

1.

"The end"

"The end of what?"

"Of the conversation loh"

I was thinking about the end of sth else... So when you said that, I was startle a bit.

Anw, thanks for being okay with me being silent, I appreciate that a lot :) It feels comforting.

2. Lately I've been kinda lazy. Tired of all the social interactions.

So those that are interested in asking me to hang out with you, bear with me that I might be lazy to talk.

3. Want to go to a park...

4. Think I've got some kind of "Me-time" crisis :))

*mumbling to self*

1. I feel that keeping myself balanced has become more and more important.

Trying here.

2. my nails are disgusting by now =,= and my room mate has fallen asleep before I could ask for the nail polish remover :|

Well, one day with these colorful nails wouldn't kill me, I guess.

3. "Ignorance is bliss"

But does anyone want to be ignorant? And I'm not a kid anymore...

Dilemma. And I honestly don't expect to solve it soon.

4. Except for extremely exciting places or extremely boring places, I think it doesn't matter where I'm going. Who I'm going with is more important.

Maybe that's just because I'm really TOO easy? But I won't be bothered by that.

totally random thought. Dont be bothered plz

I don't know.
But I don't want to be referred to as "a girl".

I know I'm just an ordinary person, nothing special and all. Not an overachiever, or an achiever for that matter. Nothing.

But I don't really want to be referred to as "a girl". If possible, I would prefer to be just simply "a person". Simplicity at its best.

Strip me off of my gender, my status, my look, my background, or whatever that made ppl think they know me before they really get to know me. Strip me off of them please.

Strip me off of them, so that I would be left as just a blank paper, without any decorations that can distract you from seeing who I am.

And then you can gradually fill in that blank paper, when you start to sit down and read me. It may not be anything fanciful, may be even boring, but you get to see me as I am.

Fill in that blank paper with my actions, my thoughts, my personality, my mind. Can be my laughters, my jokes, my words. Can be my memories, my experiences. Can be what I choose, what I like, what I adore, what I respect, and what I love.

I am defined by myself.

PS: this thought is a result of a question that I'm asked "are you sure you are a girl or not?" :|

You know how it feels, right?

"The first day of the rest of your life" is beautiful.

I don't want to give any lengthy review here, since it won't do the film any justice (I tried, thou. If only you know how many times I typed sth and deleted it right away. Words failed me).

But I just want to make a small comment on the film's choice of soundtrack. I really cannot figure out how they could think of choosing the song "Just a perfect day" for such a scene. But it's simply brilliant. When the song started playing, I was stunned. It fitted perfectly. Sweetly. Painfully.

You know how it feels, right? You know a scene touches you deeply when you have that weird feeling in your stomach. Butterflies or whatever inside you is waken up.
You know how it feels, right?

Now, don't believe me. Don't believe my words here. Just go and check it out yourself.

"The first day of the rest of your life"

1.

"The first day of the rest of your life".

The first time this phrase caught my attention was when I watched "Adaptation".

Then yesterday I watched another movie with exactly this title, and I put it on my status.
A friend asked me what it means and whether it is someone's birthday. I told her "No, this applies for anyone, and any day"

Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life. It's a fact.

Now tell me. Would you wake up every morning with that thought in your mind? The thought that today, like any other day, may just as well be the fresh start of a part of your life, of sth totally new?

Everyday is a new start. It's a fact. It's not a philosophy.

2. Now that the post above reminded me about Adaptation...

Can remember that it was recommended to me by Frog (jeez, just another geeky guy XD )

Ok, firstly, it's not suitable for impatient people :| (Allan asked me after 20 minutes into the movie: "how can you like such a boring and sleepy movie?" T___T)

But if you want sth strange, sth that intrigues you, try this please. It is a very different movie, smart and original. If you have watched "Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind" or "Being John Malkovich", you would expect the same level of originality from this whimsical scriptwriter.

Acting wise, you've got Nicolas Cage, you've got Meryl Streep and you've got a guy that won an Oscar for his supporting role in this movie (I don't remember his name, sorry XD). So, I think I won't need to describe the acting here.

Script wise, it's weird and crazy. And got a whole lots of quotes that I like so much.

Lastly, it's got a lot of interesting trivia facts that you don't get to see in the movie itself, but at that time I liked it so much that I went Google it XD. To name a few interesting trivia:

- The script writer actually wrote himself into the script, accompanied by a fictitious twin brother.

- The credits include this twin brother as the co-writer, and the movie is dedicated "In loving memory" of Donald (the name of the imaginary twin brother).

- And because the credits include this imaginary scriptwriter, he was also nominated for a Golden Globe and an Oscar, despite the fact that he doesn't exist at all :| and "Academy made it known that, in the event of a victory, the two brothers would have to share one statue." Well, they didn't win, but if they did, I don't know how they would share the prize :))

Diary of a wimpy kid (or Stories of Rim's life, chapter n)

1. My FB status is "Keep forgetting to press "send" after composing sms and then wonder why ppl don't reply me"
Most people comment that it's so Rim.

My room mate: "no it's not Rim. Rim won't even bring her phone to begin with" =,=

Being forgetful is such a disaster :|

2. I wanted to renew the book that I didnt have time to read, and encountered this message:

You cannot renew items because:
* You owe too much money

Such a shame T___T and it was only 1 dollar :((

3. "Net gain"

True. In this time of terrible "points inflation", 5 points is virtually nothing. Yet it's still "net gain", isn't it?

Again, all the second-best to ya.

Ugly truth.

Someone has told me that she always feels insecure, because she's always afraid that someday her friends will leave her, or will not like her anymore.

Well, I guess this is one of those more popular problems of girls huh? It's okay to feel so, don't worry, coz most girls I know have this feelings. And mind you, I have a friend like Linh, arguably the most insecure creature on the entire planet Earth =)) You are really no match to her, so no need to worry =)) If I can handle her, there's no one I cannot handle :"> (Linh, sorry, I'm just telling the truth :"> it might be ugly, but it's still the truth)

Then I take a good look at myself. If I follow her definition, truth is, I think I won't be any better :P.

But people didn't know that. Simply because I made myself comfortable with that feeling.

Yep, that's true.

I don't know if saying this would upset my friends, but I always think that people will leave me, eventually. I'm almost certain about that. To such an extend that subconsciously I always prepare myself for that. I try hard not to be too dependent on anyone, in case the person leave me. My question is not whether people will leave me, but when. And I would calmly wait for it.

I'm all like, "You know how to find me. I'm always here whenever you need me. But if you don't, or if you've got somebody else with you, well, good for you then. I'm gonna be okay".
I'm not too happy, of course. I'm sad when I have no one to turn to. But if people want to leave me, I don't think there's anything I can do about that anyway. Either they change and I cannot keep up with it, or I change and they cannot accept it. In any case, there's not much I can do. On my side, I myself cannot say for sure that I will just stay still forever, so who am I to judge? Everyone moves on. And so be it.

I'm always prepared to be a lonely person. That's how I keep myself cool.

Now I'm afraid of myself. Will I be able to really feel deeply attached to anyone, ever again? Or will I be like this forever, "floating" in the middle of nowhere, trying to be brave, telling myself that I'm totally fine being alone, that I can survive by myself and won't need anyone beside me?

Well, we all are fundamentally alone anyway, ain't we?

*Not until now that I can fully realize the effect of what happened that day... The strong yet naive courage to completely and wholeheartedly trust someone has shattered since the day, when I sat outside at that staircase with my dying laptop, unable to utter a word, shaking with disbelief and cold with fear.

But I don't really regret. Maybe it's better this way, when I can always leave a possibility for people to change. Because that's life and life changes.

If you ever read my blog, then hey, i'm not blaming you, so don't need to feel bad :P

Bleh

1.

You may be faced with the dilemma of what to do with things and ideas you've held on to that are no longer working for you.

This is from my horoscope.
But how do I know if something is "no longer working"? Time will tell? But we don't have that much time, do we? We don't live forever, do we?

Lud told me that if I'm going to give up even before telling you, it's not gonna be fair to you.

Is it?
Well, maybe. Maybe everyone deserves to know how much people value them. It's basically a good thing to know, isn't it?

2. Just a random fact:

The word "paradise", by the way, which comes to us from the Persian, means literally "a walled garden"

(Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert)

This fact made me feel most puzzled. So, a paradise can be ... "walled"? How is it possible? :|
And if so, even when you live in a paradise, you still don't have absolute freedom. I don't know about you, but this sounds depressing to me -__-"

A time for us...

1. Think my heart skipped a beat when she asked.

Should be just a wild guess. Or so I hope.

2. Strange. There are some people who I'm not very close to, but I'm still very fond of.

Nga Voicoi is one such person. I don't know her too well, I only talked to her for several times (fewer than 5?).

But I really like her, for the way she loves her little brother so much, for the way she's always friendly and lively, and for the way she's soooo passionate about dancing (yes, I've always admired those with a passion, those who know clearly what they love, just like *You*)

3. The ice cream promise remained there. It's okay, I'm not in a hurry :P. Thanks, and I'm happy enough (not that I'm crazy about ice cream... but I'd love FREE ice cream hahaha)

4. My room mate is listening to "A time for us"...

Don't you pass me by

1. Eh hello, I started to feel annoyed. Thanks ah, I already knew it. It doesn't suit me, or my style or whatever. I can totally see it myself, you guys don't need to express your dread so strongly, I got it :| Thanks for your concerns, and can we switch to another topic please?

2. To me now (there, my disclaimer. This is only *my* view okay? and I'm not trying to convince you), Love is superficial. A product of human's imagination. And an overrated one.

Which reminds me of a quote that I used to write in my blog:

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.

And you know what, even when maybe there are really a few ppl claimed to see it, how can we be sure about what they ACTUALLY saw? Whether they saw the real ghost, or whether they experienced the so-called true love, could we ever know for sure?

If we knew for sure, why are we still debating about their existence?

3. Well, can easily see that since Tam's endorsement, my blog suddenly gets popular :| :| :|

Which I honestly cannot tell whether it's a good thing :| :| :|

4. Rim, seriously, can't you decide whether whatever you are feeling now are real, or just the streak of the past?

I have a feeling that i'm drifting away,

And everything is about to fade.

I'm not sure. But i'm waiting to know. Let's just see if my heart would be empty once again.

If it is to fade, let it.

If it is to go, let it.

Please be happy, will ya?

Lastly, just one piece of advice: Don't you pass me by ;) :P

Panic. Distress. Depress. You name it.

OMG, WTH WTH WTH, THEY HAVE UPLOADED THE PICTURE OF ME WITH MY MAKEUP, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? I WANNA KILL MYSELF (well, not literally)

I've changed the settings so that the picture won't appear on my Wall and Profile, I've removed the tag. But since a lot of people commented on the post... IT KEEPS APPEARING IN FRONT OF MY EYES, ON MY NEWS FEED, WHICH MAKES ME JUST WANNA KILL MYSELF (again, relax, I didn't mean it literally).

Now I think I don't want to meet anyone (literally, this time).

This is plainly simply clearly disastrous. I don't know what else to say.

*switching to self-loathing mode*

I hate myself -___-"

more random stuffs

1. So last night I went to PGP for Sarahe's makeup class (okay, easy Lud, I know you won't like it, but I did go XD) I'm not that interested too, but I like Sarahe's enthusiasm and want to give her some support, no matter what ppl say about her. And I promised Yumi to accompany her +_+ so, no choice. It was fun though. We did have some good laughs =))

Actually i'm not someone who's against makeup (gosh, big surprise huh, Pearl? XD). But generally, I don't like the idea of heavy makeup, when I look at an image in the mirror and unable to realize that it's actually ME @___@ In fact, I don't even think that person in the mirror is prettier than me :)) Maybe she is, but not the way I want XD

Still remember the time when I simply didn't have enough sleep, and my friend asked "did you put on makeup?" This happened to me not once, but twice. Wth :|
So next time if you apply makeup and someone mistake it for your dark circles, don't be too devastated =))

2. Quotes:
(from some time ago)
Friend 1 is a guy

Rim: I'm not good with directions.
Friend 1: congrats, you are a rare. Girls are generally better with directions, compared to guys.
Rim: @___@ ...

Friend 2 is a girl.

Rim: I'm not good at multitasking.
Friend 2: multitasking is a female's natural gift. Maybe you don't have that gift coz you are not one =))
Rim: @____@ ...

Okay... T_T

(when I've just signed in Yahoo for several seconds...)

Linh: I love you

Rim: @___@ wth

Linh: wrong chatting window, sorry =))

Rim: =))

Damn you, Linh =))

Rim: Are you still lazy?
Linh: yes
Linh: I am
Linh: still
Linh: lazy
Linh: as
Linh: a
Rim: pig
Linh: big
Linh: *pig, sorry, typo
Rim: :((

I knew for sure the next word would type "pig" :(( was trying to type it BEFORE you did, and your stupid typo made me miss it :((

Would you cry if you see me crying

Would you cry if you see me crying?

I saw this on a friend's Yahoo status. Some friend I don't even know much.

If I saw this some days ago, I would frown. I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like the idea of spreading your sadness around. I would question: "why do you want your loved one to cry? Why do you ask the person to cry with you? You should have wanted the person to smile". I would much much prefer a brighter and happier version "Would you smile if you see me smiling?"

But by now, I kind of understand it. I realize that Life is not all about happiness. It really is not always a box of chocolates.

Smiling together with someone is so much easier than crying with them. Sharing happiness is freaking much easier than sharing pains.

But sharing pains is obviously more necessary.

I might not cry. I didn't really cry. But I did shared it with you, honestly. I might not understand everything, but I did feel it with you.

*Just a thought. Nothing much.

Haiz. Time to go home and I don't want to leave. Office is quite empty by now, only left with me and another colleague. Thinking about tonight makes me feel all tired and lazy. Anw, I promised yumi to come with her :((

I wish my mind is like a machine that I can just switch off.

1. Yesterday, my horoscope said that I have "mixed feelings".

I have to say that "mixed feelings" is such an understatement. A fair description of my mind would be "an extremely poorly mixed cocktail of distasteful emotions and thoughts"

Which effectively wore me down.

I'm having so many thoughts right now and each and every one of them are yearning for my attention.

This is disastrous -__-"

I should practice meditation. -___-"

2. For some reason, Tam-the-ever-cool-girl found my blog (which is full of daily stuffs, encoded mysterious messages and shamelessly exaggerating statements) interesting :)) She even put it on her FB and yahoo status :|

Well, I'm glad but I would suggest that you shouldn't do so, coz that would promptly spoil your "cool girl" image (I would picture you reading more "sophisticated" stuffs, no? XD)

3. Hallo. In case you don't remember, you owe me an ice cream.
You said it, and I have written it here, so that I won't forget. My memory may be bad, but Blogspot's one is not.

.........

I look at my very long list of "drafts". Those short posts that I didn't bother to click "publish" and just close.

then I look at your latest msg. And I'm upset with myself. It's all superficial.

Thanks for sharing with me. Yes, I'm grateful that you shared with me. Because you reminded me that there are a lot of things I've taken for granted. It's like a wakeup call.

And I open gmail, and compose a mail to mom and dad, telling them that I love them.

Tell them you love them, when it's still possible.

I sincerely wish you all the best. Be brave.

You know you've got my support. 

Being stubborn.

Maybe I should just stop being too stubborn. I guess I wanted to challenge everything. I guess I wanted to dare them to misunderstand me. Stupid right?
But why can't we just do anything we want? Why do we have to behave in a way that we wouldn't upset the social norm, so that we would "blend in" the society more easily?

Damn. Why am I STILL so stubborn?

Saturday is good, too

1. Well, not too good at the start. I woke up later than I expected, and after seeing the queue at the bank... well, I think I can leave it to another time.

Then when I was on the train going to Dohby Ghaut, it was soooo cold, and my hair was wet, so I think I caught a cold :| Was really tired when I was at the museum (quite cold there) and felt dizzy, so I couldn't focus, couldn't see much T_T

Anw, the exhibition, Quest for Immortality, was quite fun. Although it's a bit dark and cold and confusing with too many gods and goddesses, there were quite a lot of fun facts to know :)) Like why the corpses were called "mummy" (I won't tell you here heheh), like how your heart is supposed to be lighter than feather...

The sakura at Taka? Only one word: disappointing =(
But the cake (yes, cake again. I start to feel guilty to my own body) was good hehe. Especially when accompanied by hot tea. Feel blessed.

2. Linh à,
Thanks for telling me how good I am. Others might not see it, but I'm glad that at least you saw that in me.

I'm glad that you think I'm special though I might not even know it myself.

But I'm afraid, you know, I'm afraid that if you keep telling me that, one day I would eventually believe you...

I don't think that's good for me.

3. It's strange. It's just simply, totally strange, inexplicably strange. The word that I used, "uncomfortable", is simply because it's too strange that it became uncomfortable :|

The power of language? But I just can't explain the way it works.

Anyway, maybe you better don't do that. I don't know just yet, but somehow I feel scared.

(Jeez, seriously, I start to get annoyed at myself for so many things that I just conveniently labelled as "don't know"/"simply no reason"/"simply inexplicable", and just drop the issue :| )

4. I started to write less and less about You.

5. Chúc ngủ ngon.

Good Friday is good.

1. Went out with Hui Jun, and totally satisfied, though there were only 2 of us.

The cake at tcc is quite nice (then again, if I really cannot tell the difference between the $6 cake and the $15 cake, who am I to judge?). Maybe because I always love zesty refreshing flavor of orange/lime when it goes with whatever sweet/creamy. Perfect combination, perfect balance.

Hui Jun ordered mint latte, because she was interested in the mint. She even ordered an extra cup of mint (cost 60 cents!), in case the coffee is not minty enough. We thought that it would be perfect.
Turns out, we were dead wrong. The mint only SMELLS minty (very minty indeed, to an extend that it smells perfectly like my toothpaste. I would try not to imagine drinking my toothpaste), but it doesn't TASTE minty at all. Instead, it tastes - to quote Hui Jun - very bubblegum-y.

After that we proceeded to eat waffle and spring rolls at yumi's stall.

When I didn't want to hear anything related to food anymore and even the sign of pretty cakes could no longer tempt me, I knew that I was tooooo full.

2. Quote, without any comment:

"Who's that Jason guy? Why are his comments so bad?"

=)) Xuki, you see, your comments scared my friend =))

3. I beg ya, please, go and watch "How to train your dragon". It is really really really cute. If only there's any word that mean cute x1541523154321654, I would use that word immediately without a blink. Haiz, my vocabulary failed me...
My friend said a friend of her watched this movie twice, and already booked the ticket for 2 more times. I'm not that crazy, thou @__@
Anw, the point is: please don't miss "How to train your dragon". The Toothless dragon is the cutest creature I've ever seen. Please trust me *nod furiously* =))
PS: talking to Tinyl is sometimes tiring. Thank God Sora was there to save the conversation, and it helped that he was funny.

March ended...

1. Tháng 3 ơi là tháng 3 ơi, tháng 3 đi mất rồi.

I also don't know why I like March. I try very hard to think of a concrete and rational reason. Hm

Maybe because it's the last month of spring? (lame, Singapore doesn't have 4 seasons)
Maybe because of the way it sounds? (Really? How does March sound? Sound very ... March-y? March-ish? Again, doesn't make sense)

I don't know but every time I think of March, I feel sth fresh and gentle, like a breeze across a vast daisy field... But why?

Jeez, I give up. I would have to admit that sometimes there's simply no reason :|

2. These very few days I wrote much more (if you don't see much of a difference, it's because I didn't even bother to publish many of the posts. I just deleted after I typed :P)

Yup, when I'm mentally unstable, my fingers just feels itchy. It just has to click that Blogger link, and then has to click New Post, and then has to type, simply and naturally like days follow nights follow days. It's really easy to do so you know? Too easy. Clicking, and then typing. Words just come out. I have no idea how, but they just come out.
And then typing on this laptop is so comfortable. I feel like my fingers are dancing an elegant dance.

I'm sorry if my posts flood your notifications :))

Btw, "mentally unstable" is not necessarily bad. For example, right now I'm feeling so high that I feel mentally unstable.

3. So I've got plans for the whole long weekend:
Friday:
- "Date" with Hui Jun at Donut factory, Suntec.
- Dinner and movie with Sora and Tinyl. The 3 of us makes a weird combination, very weird indeed. We are not that close :| That day I put "who want to watch How to train your dragon with me", Tinyl just wanted to tease me by asking "can I go?". He never expected me to say yes, but I did, and he was freaked out :|
Saturday:
- Go to bank.
- Go to Yumi's stall. (I've come to feel rather obliged to come there to support her almost every week)
- Egypt exhibition and sakura blossom and- surprise!- cakes again XD
Sunday: Esta Noche of course!

4. Wii is fun, but tiring.

5. All these make me happy. So, happiness does not necessarily come from you, does it?

April Fool's Day.

In these very last minutes of a day when people can just tell lies without being punished, let me seize this chance to tell this lie to you:

 I don't care about you.

you know what i'm waiting for at Esta Noche

1. Okay, you listen to music, you admire a singer, you call them your idol, you dream of meeting them personally some day, you are willing to pay some freaking high price to be able to attend a fan meeting with them, you would easily cry if they come to you and smile, and - gasps! - shake your hand!

Well, you know what, for my case, I can just run into my fav singer any day, even be able to call her to ask her out for lunch.

Nga Moon, you should really consider becoming a professional singer. Or if not, at least you should have a live show of your own. Better still, you should record an album, so that I can keep it for myself and listen to it whenever I want.

(Haiz, same thing for Khanh Nhi, but I don't know her well enough to ask her out for lunch, nor that I can do so, she's in NTU :)) And she's not gonna perform at Esta Noche =( this breaks my heart quite a bit. Quite a bit. Quite. Let me be sad for 5 secs..... Okay, done.)

2. Xuki's performance =)) it's not a solo performance, but still, the 1st performance ever =)) don't stress yourself huh? I know you are an awesome guy (and hence your nickname in my E72: xuki the awesome :P you can check it). Yup, all the best!

3. all other friends that are going to perform :">
jia you! :">