A happening year.

Jan:
- Back to school after a breakup, a tough internship and a memorable trip to Hanoi with friends. It was harder than I thought, studying after such a long break. And it was easier than I thought, coz I've decided to be a strong girl. Happy girls are like sunshine.

Feb:
- Lunar New Year in Singapore, when most of my housemates went back to VN. Do you still remember our last Tet? :P I do hehe. Pretty crazy huh? Something to remember, thou :))
And I'm proud of being ur best friend (Happy new year to u, dude)

March:
- Felt like taking a part time job, I searched nineo.com and found one post for a part timer. Applied.

April:
- Lud asked me to join the Ozstudio team. Being with Oz is a fun and touching experience, when I feel like what I'm doing can make ppl happy. Reading fan's posts and mails helps me to keep Oz going...
- Was really happy staying in Dovers with my housemates. Had that homey feeling.
- Started to be closer to Nam, a housemate. The guy is quite knowledgeable, and talking to him has changed my view about a lot of things and made me more open minded.
- Got a reply about the job earlier, which asked me to come by for a talk. I came to the office in shorts and slippers, chated with my future boss for around 15 mins, then he asked

"which year are you in?"
"final year"
"do you want to work full time with us in the future?"
"..."

May: the month of graduation.
- Friends started to say goodbye, which made me damn sad when I realized that I wouldn't be able to keep everyone by my side. We all have to move on.
- Officially graduated, stop being a student. No more classes, no more exams, but still staying in school, coz I agreed to worked in Science.

June:
- Got a friendly and cool colleague, Meryl. She is a really special girl whom I'm glad to know.

July:
- Graduation ceremony.
- My friend was back from his short trip and gave me a lucky charm. It did bring luck to me. Denfinitely. Thank you.

August:
- erm... quite crazy. I had to reject someone the hardest way possible :| I went from being understanding, to feeling threatened, to being scared, to being annoyed and irritated, and finally to being angry and frustrated :|

- being told a secret. Felt glad that I was one of a few ones that know. This definitely changed my view about the world. Had its pros and cons thou.
- A trip with family. I was happy seeing that I made my parents happy

- My friend's crazy "non-birthday" =)) but that's when I feel important to him :) can I say Happy birthday to u now? I think I haven't even said it to u =))
- We started moving. No more Dover, no more the place I felt belonged to. Everything was left behind, we came to Bukit Batok.

Sep:
- Join wushu. This is one of the best thing happening to me this year.
- disappointed with my friend. Was sad for quite some time, but then thinking of what he has done for me, I just let go.
- Buồn lo nhảm nhí b-( :|
- Signed the contract :)

Oct:
- Officially work at DBS as a research assistant. But I still dressed in a very "informal" way. A lot of ppl seeing me in school asked me whether I graduated. Still feel like a student.
- Started to gain weight. Ate more, sleeped more, weighed more.
- Had a stupid crush on someone, which made me feel really uncomfy. I just couldn't wait to be over the person.
- Almost lost my wallet. This incident, though small, made me realize that I'm blessed. I truly am.
- Disappointed about someone, and then... no more. Realized that I changed, while some person just didn't. Realized how stupid I used to be to wait for the person to change. Also realized that 1st love is not always that memorable. And everything was all gone. Totally. Leaving no trace. At all. Also forgot about ur birthday. But it was not even that important or remarkable to me anymore. I didn't care. I somehow wish I could, but I just couldn't.
- The wushu beginner test. I felt really happy. Got 2 prizes for myself: the trainee with the highest score at the test, and the best overall trainee. This meant a lot to me.
- Found out that Ah Piao also stay at Bukit Batok. And me and Hui Jun and Ah Piao took bus 963 together to go home, we formed the 963 gang :D Since then I could go home a bit later and stay with wushu a bit longer. That was great :)
- also started to be closer to Hui Jun :D a friendly gal who made me felt welcomed

Nov:
- Changed my view about someone, and started to be over him :) was glad. You are a nice and good person, I know that. But I also know that I should just give up on you if I want to be happy. And now I am xD
- Changed my view about another someone, and started to considered him as someone I respect a lot :)
- changed my view about yet another someone, and started to have a small lil crush on him (thou it ended fast, it still leaves a positive impression :P hehe)
- Been home for 24hours. A crazy trip, a lot of stupidity T_T. Been really down. That trip made me realize a lot of facts that I've been denying and avoiding all the time...

December:
- 1st time realized that being "cute" means nothing. Sometimes it may be even negative, but let's just stop at "nothing"
- A crazy night with some mind-blowing secrets revealed. Too much drama is not good for your health.
- My roommate went back to VN. Sometimes it's tough being the only girl in the house.
- I'm going back to VN for my dear friend's wedding. So so so happy for her, soooooo happy for her. It's gonna be super duper fun, seeing my dear friends from high school. It's been such a long time.

- Come back to Hoi An town after 5 years...

All in all, it's been a crazy year with a lot of happening, ups and downs. But I can totally say this: there were MORE ups than downs, and it was a good year for me :)

I hope next year will also be good <3

PS: These days, thou it's really fun and peaceful to be at home, there's sth I miss in Singapore.

dailies

1.Felt good about wushu. Made some progress, received some compliments, talked to some kind friends, learnt some new Chinese words and laughed at some lame jokes.
Jia you, Connie. I really admire your determination. Hang in there, we will be with you :) :D
Hui Jun, as usual, thanks for everything.

Sometimes I did feel out when u guys talked in Chinese. But really, things get better and better each day :P

(but really Ah Piao :(( u learning Vietnamese is making me crazy. Told you, it's difficult :(( why do u keep insisting to learn? :((
and STOP going around telling people "tam biet" T______T now the whole club just laugh at meeee)

2. :P
okay, you are back. You are still the same, with that really nice voice and cute smile. But that's all. At some points I totally forgot about ur existence.

anw, I'm childish and my feelings change faster than weather :P

3. I'm so gonna spend quite some money next Jan :| cannot resist all the cute things, thou Pearl told me that they are "too kiddo".

Anw, Pearl, you are underestimating me, u know? ;) I DO dress up and make up sometimes, dont be ridiculous /:) I'm not (that) childish anymore

See u in Vietnam, you'r gonna have to be surprised. *evil laugh*

4. I'm such a big time procrastinator :|
Things that I haven't done:
- send out the emails.
- ask about the course (the stupid ppl didn't reply any of my emails b-( i'm gonna have to call them directly) --> updated: next week the schedule will be out, yay!
- write script for Ozstudio :(( I'm really not good at this. Haiz. I would need to find more script writer soon. But who can do this? T_T
- buy my friend a wedding gift. Totally no idea what I should give her ...
- help Bo with her designs :((
- my work @_@
- borrow books from our library.
....

5. Hey.
:D
Actually it's not something special. Really not something special. at all.
Just that how easy it is for me to talk to you makes me smile :)
I think the crush is over. I don't really feel much. Yet, you are still somehow special

haven't got my Wonderwall yet

And all the roads we have to walk were winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

And I don't believe in that. The one that would save me.
I guess we all have to save ourselves.

hu`m

1. i'm the kind of girls who always forget things. So the safest way is to carry with me as much as possible.

Take my wallet for example. It's a huge wallet, but not much cash inside T_T.
Instead, you can find: my ATM card, my EZlink card, my expired (yes) library card, my staff card, my medicare card, my cash card, my AlumNUS card, all kind of member cards, my hair pins, a lot of coins, my home keys, some cash, some VN cash, some receipts, and (this one is special) one lucky charm from a Kyoto's Fushimi Inari-taisha shrine that my best friend bought for me :D

That explains the huge thing called wallet in my bag :|

2. Listening to several songs of Taylor Swift recently.
Quite easy to bet bored with :| but pretty ok to listen to when u are working, coz it won't distract u :P

Yet there are also sth from her songs that attract my attention:

"And I don't know why but with you I'd dance. In a storm in my best dress. Fearless."

I'm someone who's timid and scared of a lot of things. So I don't know if someone like that exist, someone who can make me feel fearless. I doubt it :P

But that's beautiful :)

gloomy morning

I woke up and it was raining and I knew that today is not gonna be a good day and bcoz of the rain I had to take bus and I went to the bus stop and the bus was too full I couldn't get in and another bus was too full I couldn't get in and another bus was too full I couldn't get in and after 3 buses I decided to walk to the bus terminal and when I came I saw that I missed another bus and then I got in the next bus and it was too cold and I just washed my hair so it was still wet and I didn't have breakfast and I was hungry and it took too long to go to the school and when I arrived I realized that I didn't bring my umbrella and it was still raining and I was 30mins late for work and so I skipped breakfast and I had to run under the rain to my office and my hair was still wet and when I came my boss was still not there and I needed to discuss with her for my work and I opened my laptop and saw an email that basically told me that I screwed up sth badly.

And then, there's only one thing that calm me down:
my office's pantry.
with its wide windows, like wide eyes that always calm and dreamy.

hm

I'm cool :->

:|

Am I?

Let's just think so.

hm

1. Today the weather is especially good. I love <3
the sky is beautifully blue, with white clouds layered above the city, the wind is gentle, the sun is bright.
Everything is gorgeous.
Wish today were weekend :(( I wanna go outtttttttt and playyyyyyyy

2. Yesterday was crazy. I had a long talk with friends. Drama is never pleasant, isn't it?

Feel sorry for my friends, but I myself don't really know what to do. As I said to u all, the only person who can solve the problem is not one of us.

(haha, and I hate the fact that the person is still blissfully unaware of everything. Ignorance sometimes is really a bliss. /:) damn it.
On a side note, I realized the reason why I used to insist on letting You know, I wanted You to suffer hahaha, but maybe it won't work that way XD)

huhm

"Everything will be okay in the end."

Do you believe that?
I don't. It sound like a joke to me.

Why can you be so sure about that? Life is damn random, it's full of uncertainties. How the hell can you be sure about anything? At all?

Nah. You cannot be sure.

But I do believe that we can make it "more likely" to be okay in the end, by changing, by making an effort to change the situation, the condition, urself, watever.

Don't just sit there and expect that "everything will be okay in the end" if you never change.

Did you?
I hope so.

All the rivers run

This was posted on my FB, by Hui Jun.

And I really want to keep it.

Where would Thao Pham want to spend the rest of her life if she had to pick one place?

still vietnam ba.. though i hope it's singapore.. =)

I don't know what to say, as usual.

I'm not sure whether she really meant it.

I'm not sure where I will end up spend the rest of my life either.

If you ask me to pick one place, I guess she was right. Vietnam.

But, sometimes I feel lost, it's like when you are standing in the middle of running rivers and don't know which one you should follow. I feel like i'm torn between these 2 places.

True, Vietnam is where I belong to. But Singapore has become sth more than just a place where I live temporarily. I've got friends, I've got connections, I've managed to form some memories with this land... And so leaving is not too easy anymore.

I'm sure if that happens, I'll miss Singapore a lot. And I'll be sad, a lot.

That I can be sure of.

Am I too greedy when I want to keep everything?

I don't want to lose the past, nor the present. I'm afraid to think of the future. I'm too skeptical about forming new friendships.

Friends left me, and will leave me. Ind I left them and I'll leave them, too. Thinking of all the farewell hurts. What can I do? What's left ?