NHỚ

lóang thóang cảm thấy mình đang nhớ rất nhiều thứ,

mà mỗi thứ 1 ít,

mà chẳng thứ nào định hình rõ ràng.

this is sth I wrote before going back

This is sth I wrote last week before going back to Vietnam. I saved it as a draft, coz for some reason I couldn't publish it.

I didn't want to leave. Yet I had to.

I wish you all the best. I'll do watever I can to support you.

Again, I wish you all the best.

--------------------------------

I still remember the time when we shared the same house.

You sat in the living room all day, watching movies/Korean dramas and eating bread. I would talk to you about a lot of things, and so would you. Be it our childhood crush(es), our current crush(es), our dreams, our likes and dislikes, our plans, from stupid random things to more serious things, we did talk A LOT.

At first I just wanted to be there for you, when you seemed to be lonely and depressed with the tiring job searching process. But then I started to like it, sharing with you and listening to you. Those days were nice.

Then you came back to VN to work.

Frankly, I was sad. I knew it's best for you, that I should have been happy for you, but I just couldn't help feeling sad.

(Do u remember that time when I wrote a blog for you, yet you thought it was for another friend and you were jealous with her? =)) that's cute =)))

uhm

I've been missing you a lot. Your tender care, your understanding, your support. Sometimes I wish you could be here. Sometimes I feel jealous of your life. Sometime I feel jealous of your friends in Vietnam. Sometimes I just want to see how you are doing. Sometimes I just want to be included in your life, wanna be in there.

Hm...

I'm just a normal girl, but I've got all kind of interesting friends. Thou I dont really know why it happened that way (maybe I'm really lucky :P), but I'm so really grateful for that. Truly.

PS: I know I promised to love you if I'm gay =)) too bad you know that I'm not :"> but if you can somehow become handsome, then maybe I'll consider u :"> Yes, I'm superficial :">

. . .

I was about to go home.

I was standing outside that room.

She was sitting in that room with her friends, and I don't know any of them.

I was thinking whether I should go in and say goodbye to her once more. (I already said goodbye to her, but then I came back to take my bag), because I didn't want to interrupt.

Then I remembered that I wouldn't come back the next day.

That was when I was standing outside that door, looking in.

That was when I felt so damn sad.

excited

Friday: wushu training :x
Saturday morning: Toa Payoh with a friend from Vietnam.
Sunday: Jurong Point with Linh :x
Monday: wushu training :x
Tuesday: Floramisu :x :x :x (remember to ask Lud for a favor, please remember this, this is important, please don't forget, please, myself, don't forget)
Wednesday: still in Vietnam for half a day :x :x :x

That's for those planned already.
Unplanned:
- Dinner with friends.
- Movies.
- Flash forward.
- Lovely bones (gonna collect it from the library today :x)

Hihi. *bouncy music at the background*

I'm...

...alone.

It's not about being lonely and emo and such. But I don't know who to talk to. About Ozstudio.

Bư sent me the script she wrote. A bit short, but it's not a problem. The problem is that I still find it a bit too complicated and hard to understand. Too mysterious? Too much of personal feeling? Too much about Lud's new cafe (which not everyone knows about)? Dun knoe, just dun feel right.
(And I'm unable to write scripts T_T My Vietnamese sucks big time now, I guess T_T Now I don't even dare to write blogs in Vietnamese T_T)

Hm. Lud is too busy these days. And she's gonna still busy with her cafe even after the opening.
I guess I have to be the one who stays and looks after everything, the time line, the production, blah blah. But seriously, i'm not used to it :| I'm more used to being a slacker, being a pushover, being pushed by Lud, being a procratinator (I still am!).

I still send out emails regarding Oz, thou I rarely have any reply. I don't feel angry and such, just don't know who to talk to, don't know what to do T_T

Can I have a leader here please?

just a normal day...

1.

i wake up in the morning, so far away from home...

I booked a flight home, for 24 hours :|

Do first, think later :| I'm totally not an impulsive person, not at all. So I had to do everything real quick so that I don't have time to think. Not too big a deal anw. There, done already. :|

How I want to see Lud again, and meet her gang, those ppl who has helped her so much. How I want to eat her cakes, see her new cafe, or just simply sit there, and smile. And eat her cakes. Most importantly, eat her cakes 3:-o.

I guess I just desperately need a break.
"From what?" You may ask.
From all the unchanged. From all the unsaid, unwritten worries.
From being scared.
From feeling out.

Guess it's gonna be great, being back and all.

Really want to see Mom's reaction when seeing me at a place she doesn't really expect me to be: Home.
(and then when realizing that I've gained some weight =)) )

I'm gonna be home, for 24 hours.

"i'm leaving your town again
and i'm over the ground that you’ve been spinning
and i'm up in the air, said baby hell yeah
well honey i can see your house from here..."

2. Felt better thanks to Hui Jun. Thanks for the ice cream :) and for coming and for everything. Most importantly, for coming.
You made me feel welcomed. That's important to me.

3. Some quotes, as usual:

(when we were eating ice cream)

Rim: Hmmm... is it ok if I just eat ice cream? Only ice cream and nothing else?
Ah Piao: yah, you won't die ah... in the short run...
Rim: (nod nod)
Ah Piao: in the long run... well, we all will die anyway.
Rim: :| ...

(chatting when I was about to leave office)

meryl: u dabao-ing or not
Meryl: if u gg to eat then i can go for dinner too
Rim: (eh, 1st time knowing now to spell "dabao" haha)
murf: yah, from someone who sucks at chinese

(I know this is NOT good, but sometimes I wish that everyone sucks at Chinese just like you hahah)

procrastinator

1. Big time procrastinator.

Got quite a few things I must do, but been trying to delay all of them.

- reply a mail... T_T i'm not that interested.

- write two emails.... I hate bothering ppl, but sometimes I just have to be thick-skin, yes?

- buy books for my friend, have to come to Taka - Orchard T_T
- come to kami's house to collect the tea bags for Lud? around 20kgs some more @_@

- think of a gift for my lil bro :| still have no idea. I just dont want to give him a lousy present, yet my neurons are kinda lazy now T_T

- etc.

2. 2012 is good for entertaining. It's so stupid that it become more funny than scary hahah.

Anw, I guess ppl had to spend A LOT to make that movie, so paying several bucks for it is not too bad, I guess :-??

3. why the hell does it take so long for the washing machine to wash my clothes T_T ?

so sleepy.

i wanna sleep

now

now now

T_T

4. Oz this week is uploaded.

I felt bad. I didnt dare to listen to the whole thing. I delayed uploading.

Coz I felt that I didn't really make an effort to make it good. I did it because I had to have sth to upload for everyone.

I recorded in such a hurry. I felt sth wrong with the script, with Oz this time, with its direction at this moment, but didn't really have time to stop and fix it, or because I know it would be really troublesome to change everything.

And so I didnt feel right. so I recorded because I knew I had to, but I didn't feel right.

@_@

1. I should be banned from Popular until next month :|

Nvm, I bought myself a new fountain pen, with special nib hehe. Love it!

2. Today when I was having beefsteak at the food court in West Mall, the cleaning uncle looked at my dish and said (clearly and slowly): "Mis-take". Then he nodded and smiled and turned away :|

I felt glad that he turned away, coz I didn't really know what to say to him T_T

3. Went to dinner with the club. Ah Piao said that the numbers of foreigners and Singaporeans sitting there at the table were equal.

The thing is, thou many of the members are foreigners just like me, they can speak Chinese, which is unlike me.

Which made me a minority.

Which sometimes, somehow, reminded me that I don't really belong to this place.

Thou I don't know where I belong to.

(Ryan, if somehow you happen to read this, this may be considered as sth 'bad' that I talked behind everyone's back haha ;) )

I may like trying out Chinese just for fun, just like how Ah Piao asking me about Vietnamese. I may want to learn some Chinese words to talk with my friends because I like them and want to surprise them, just like how some foreigners sometimes say "xin cha`o" to me.

But I hate to think that I'm learning all those just to be accepted.

And so I stopped.

4. Just now I realize this...

NOT ONLY MY MOM IS ON FB, BUT MY AUNT IS, TOO!!!!! AND SHE'S ALSO STARTING ADDING MY FRIENDS!!!!!! OMGGGG !!!!

@_@

I want to faint. Or dig a hole and live down there. Or should I just deactivate my acc and just disappear on FB, for good?

I've never felt glad that FB is getting banned in VN by some ISPs. Should I now?

Rainy days.

1. I've never wanted to be a photographer. Ok ok, not "photographer", that word sounds too serious already. To be more precisely, I've never thought of taking up photography as a hobby. I'm not that good at it, I'm lazy to learn all the technical things, I think it would be costly to buy a DSLR, or I'm simply not interested enough etc. etc., you name the reasons.
But in times like this, when my office is filled with sunlight, when I look out of the window on this 6th floor and see the blurry buildings at afar, I wish that I have a camera. Not the one comes with my handphone, but sth that can capture this.

Because just half an hour later, the sky changed completely and there comes the rain T__T which makes it all so gloomy T_T

(if this is a note on FB, I'll tag Lud, MM and xuki :D :P)

2. I've been waiting for Cross Game's new chap since 6th Oct @___@ Omg, Adachi, what are you doing there in Japan? Have you forgotten about us already? I want to know the result of Koh's game, and also how Aoba would react. Been checking onemanga.com everyday T_T

3. Just receive the sms about the outing being cancelled :@) I guess everyone is being crazy with the coming exam now.

Seriously, I've always thought that NUS and NUS students seem to be too obsessed with final exams @_@ they make it sound like this is the utmostly important test of their life :|

Truth is, you have final exams at the end of every single semester throughout your entire student life. I suppose we should get used to it already?

Exams have already become a part of being a student. When you take a module, you're supposed to do a test at the end to see how much you learnt, isn't it? Studying hard is certainly necessary, but ppl keep talking about it as if they are going to the battlefield, to enter a war. With the posters everywhere "all the best for your exams" or "you are not alone" (this one is the best @_@), with the exam packages, exam answers, exam announcements, with everything exam-related, I feel soooooo tense :|

hm

1. Why are the titles too similar to each other? Coz normally my entry has no specific content.
Another way to explain is that I just cannot be bothered with the title. Who cares anyway?

2. Hm, it feels weird, starting to write again. Suddenly I feel so cautious.
I feel like everything I'm going to write is pretentious. Maybe it's not, but I just cannot get rid of the feeling.

3. Listening to "Plane" by Jason Mraz. It sounds like the saddest song by him. Even when I was working and not noticing, his voice in that song always managed to catch my attention. Always.

"I'm leaving your town again"
....
"Oh honey I can see your house from here
if the plane goes down, damn

I'll remember where the love was found"

Think I almost can really feel the pain.

"Dont mean to harm you

by leaving your town again"

How come today all of the songs in my list are all the sad songs :@) Hm hm.

4. Disclaimer: as gay as it sounds, I'm straight haha.

But really, she's a person with the best smile, really sweet, thou I wonder whether people think the same. Well, at least Lud did agree with me when seeing her pic, so I think there's a chance that there are other people who also see that.

Yet I also wonder whether anyone has ever told her that.

Or they would be just like me. Keeping thoughts to themselves. Afraid to let the person know, afraid to be misunderstood, afraid of everything, or nothing.

(Hm, actually there's only 1 thing I'd like to complain about her: didn't follow the guideline :-w now how huh? hm hm)

There, I opened my blog

There.

Actually I deleted some parts, some entries.

anw, from now on will still blog, but with more caution I guess.

Please don't hate me. Please don't judge me.

er ur er urm erm ahem

Okay.
I'm not sure.
Maybe I overreacted.
Sorry.
but you have to understand :|

I've never expected this. All that time I wrote my blog without thinking of u guys as my readers. I just wrote what I thought.
I thought only my very close friends will ever bother to read my blog (which is not so easy to understand, and full of random stupid things).
I thought I know my readers, I know who they are, and they, of course, also know me very well.

Then one beautiful morning, I opened my gmail, and it notified that I've got a comment from "Ryan". For several seconds, I was thinking to myself: "huh? which one of my friends is Ryan?" 3:-o

Then a thought suddenly struck me hard. I wanna faint T_T
I hurriedly open that mail, only to be confirmed that it was, well, you, Ryan.

Gosh, I'm not sure whether you understand that, but my first reaction was ^%&^@%$^@$ (dun know how to describe T_T).

I don't know.

Maybe it's just my first reaction. To defend myself.
From showing my true self.

Because I didn't think you guys would read it, I didn't control the content posted here. And hence, I couldn't control what u should know about me, and what you should not.

I couldn't help feeling embarrassed, because I felt weak and insecure. I feel like I couldn't defend against you reading me. I couldn't pretend and I couldn't hide. Because I didn't know this would come. I wasn't ready.

Maybe after all, it's nothing much. You, as a reader, maybe won't understand much what I wrote here. Or even if you understand everything, why should it matter? Good or bad, it's just me, take it or leave it.

Yet still,...

It may be funny how people try to defend themselves against nothing.
But that's how life is. Funny. Don't you think so?

~ Rim ~

(This entry was written without knowing who will read it)

a good day

1. I'm proud of us =D we tried so hard, everyone! Congrats on the medals! For those who didn't win: we still love you A LOT! I admired you guys so much for daring to stand up, for trying, for giving it ur best.

Just so sad that I no longer have a chance to take part in these stuffs :(( T_T

err urm err

[edited - sorry, Ryan =,=]

óe

mây đen ùn ùn kéo đi hệt như phim viễn tưởng @_@
mình ko nói xạo tẹo nào, hệt như mấy phim nói về ngày tận thế ah @_@ mây bay đến đâu mờ mịt đến đó, thui lui thùi lùi.

mèng ơi nó sắp đến chỗ mình gòi @___@

trời ơi cách đây mấy giây mình còn nhìn thấy cái building kia, giờ hết thấy luôn.

Rồi lun, nó tới chỗ mình gòi ;'(

how can I come out for lunch :-ss crazy weather :|

lah lah lah

1. November without rain is still november.
Just like me without you.

Yet, November will be really long. Super long for me.
Ngày dài khắc khoải.
Sáng thức dậy và tự hỏi lòng: có còn không?
Tối đi ngủ và tự nhủ lòng: đừng nghĩ nữa!

2. Nói vậy thôi chứ tháng 11 mưa đùm mưa đề, thấy mà phát ghét.
Hum bữa đi ăn dinner với bạn, mưa lâm thâm, mình lấy cây dù màu hồng ra che (còn có cây đó thôi T_T)
Bạn ngó mìn từ đầu tới chân: "wowww, you've got a pink umbrella":| xong nhìn thêm cái nữa "and a scarfffff"
(bữa đó wên đem áo lạnh, dzô office lấy cái khăn có sẵn đó ra quàng, tới hồi đi ăn thì wên bỏ ra, làm wê dễ sợ, nhìn như bà zà)

3. NUS càng lúc càng đông. Thiệt. Cứ đợi tới 12 giờ trưa ngó wa mấy cái canteen đi thì biết.
Hồi đó mình còn đi học, 9 giờ có bao giờ mún dậy đâu, khó khăn lắm 1 tuần có cái lớp 9 giờ thì lên bus thấy vắng teo. Còn giờ 9 giờ sáng là bus đã bị filled rồi, mình thiệt là hoảng hốt trước sự chăm chỉ của các lứa đàn em :|

4. hí hí, lấy lại cảm giác viết tiếng Việt gòi. đỡ thấy bị ngọng gòi =))

5. Mình làm dziệc cho dzui đây. Working for fun ppl =))

linh ta linh tinh

1. Yesterday, when saying goodbye to me,

Meryl: Bye, dude
Me: :|

Dude @___@ cannot remember anyone calling me that way @___@

2.

"You are too cute to be taken seriously."

This struck me. Hard. I saw it this way: "you are too childish to be taken seriously"

Is it why? that no one takes me seriously?

When will I grow up?

haiz/

food for thought, books for reading.

Last week, there was a bazaar in school, where they sold books at cheaper prices.

At first I bought The Alchemist, only to be scared away by its language, right from the 1st page. Maybe I'm not deep enough or wat, but it sounds too ancient/sophisticated/confusing/khó hỉu/khó nuốt and in general, too much for me :|

So within the day, I exchanged the book for another: "The 5 people you meet in Heaven". Well, easier to read, easier to understand, but just so-so for me. It's not captivating enough, the story doesn't really go anywhere, and sometimes I felt it tried a lil bit too hard to impress people. So I regreted buying it 3:-o (It was around 15 bucks, FYI)

Then I came across My sister's keeper. Here's how the summary goes :

Anna is not sick, but she might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister, Kate, can somehow fight the leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis, Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate - a life and a role that she has never questioned… until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister - and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable… a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for the sister she loves. My Sister's Keeper examines what it means to be a good parent, a good sister, a good person. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another? Is it worth trying to discover who you really are, if that quest makes you like yourself less?

The drama and the complicated situation implied in this synopsis caught my attention. It promises a thrilling story. And it didnt fail to deliver that.

Okay, 1stly, lower ur expectation plz, it's not a perfect flawless story.
I don't really understand Jesse's behaviors (why the hell he had to do that???). I don't feel the 'history' between Campbell and Julia is necessary (jeez, why do people have to inject some kind of love story into a book? is it to sell more?)

But generally, I'm glad I bought it.
The writer took the readers through a complicated, delicate and controversial situation with a surprising clarity. The story sounds too dramatic, but when you got into the book, you would understand people, you'd understand why they behave like that, why things happen that way, extreme, but reasonable.
Telling the story under many characters' perspective seems to be a really good way for writers to help readers to explore characters' mind. I really love this mind-reading thingy :))

People are put in conflicts, dilemmas, crossroads where they have to make decisions. Big ones. And the way they think through, the way they come to their final decisions shed light on their personality.

I loveeeee Anna. Amazingly mature for a 13-year-old girl trying to follow what she feels right, despite knowing that no one will win in the end, and yet she still loves her family a lot. Def my fav character in this book. There's sth a bit mysterious about her (of course, she was holding a secret until the end), sth dark, sth complicated yet appealing, which attracts you, makes you want to learn more about her.

One last thing: Life is full of unexpected things. You thought you have prepared urself, but actually you never know what would happen.